Why Don't Women Ask for What They Need at Work? with Nicholle Walter

Why don't women ask for what they need at work? I put that question to Nicholle Walter, a Senior Systems Engineer at John Deere who has been pregnant, breastfeeding, and pumping on a manufacturing shop floor while leading production launches. Her answer surprised me, because it was not about courage. Most of the time, she said, the support is already there. Nobody hands it to you. So the real skill is learning how to ask for what you need at work when nobody is offering.

If you have ever sat at your desk after a call from daycare, wondering whether you were allowed to leave, this conversation is for you. And if you are caring for a parent right now, it is for you too. Here is what Nicholle learned, and why the answer to the ask is usually better than you fear.

Two Returns to the Same Shop Floor

Nicholle started her latest role on the floor when her first baby was six months old. It was a high-pressure job compared to anything she had done before, and the stress showed up in her body. She had to pump more often just to keep her supply up. Yet every trip upstairs felt like missing something, because she was new and wanted to prove she belonged. Eventually she stopped pumping earlier than she wanted to, for her own mental health.

About two years later, she was pregnant on the same shop floor. This time, however, everything was different. The guys on the floor knew her routines so well that they figured out she was pregnant before she announced it. More importantly, she knew herself. When she needed to go pump, she said so and left.

Here is the thing. Both times she had a supportive manager. The policies never changed. What changed was that Nicholle stopped waiting for permission she had never actually been denied.

The policy did not change between her first baby and her second. She did.

It Exists Out in the Ether

Early in her career, Nicholle described herself as a put your head down, do your work, it will come when it comes kind of engineer. She networked. She built her base. In fact, she did not start advocating for herself in any real way until she got pregnant and went looking for the leave policy.

I know we have a leave policy, I don't know what it is, I don't even know where to find it. Nobody came to me to give me that information. They're just like, it exists out in the ether.

Nicholle Walter

That was the moment she learned that if she wanted something, she was going to have to go find it and go get it. Not because anyone was against her. Simply because nobody was going to bring it to her.

Nobody is going to bring it to you. You have to go get it.

The pump room nobody knew about

During her second pumping journey, Nicholle made a point of checking in with the other pregnant and new moms on the floor. Still, she was not quite asking the right questions. Then one of them stopped her. Why did Nicholle go upstairs at the same time every day when none of the other engineers did? Nicholle said she was going to pump, in the pump room. The woman had no idea it existed.

Instead, this mom had been wearing an in-the-bra pump on the assembly floor. Anyone who has pumped knows how uncomfortable those are and what they do to your supply, so she was pumping for 45 minutes at a time and her supply was still dwindling. Nicholle called a time out, walked up to the woman's boss, told him she was taking her, and showed her the room. Then she looked at how many other women were in the same situation.

Just because the policies are in place doesn't mean everybody knows about them, but it also doesn't mean everybody feels comfortable using them. There's always that unspoken, am I going to get in trouble if I use this resource, even though it's available, especially when you're the only one utilizing that resource.

Nicholle Walter

Read that twice, because it is not only about pump rooms. It is about every resource, every flexible arrangement, and every conversation you have talked yourself out of because you would be the only one asking.

Have You Asked Her?

Now here is the part of the conversation I most want you to hear, because it reaches far beyond parents. I asked Nicholle what she sees men do in their careers that women do not. Her first answer was about the buddies men pull up the ladder with them. Her second answer was about assumptions.

She may not want to travel as much. Have you asked her? Do you know that? Those kind of conversations don't happen as much with women as they do with men.

Nicholle Walter

When a promotion opens up, leaders talk about who would be a good candidate. Nicholle has watched more men get pulled into those conversations than women, and the reason is rarely performance. It is a story someone told about her home life. She has kids. She probably does not want the travel. Nobody checked.

The data backs her up. According to Lean In and McKinsey's Women in the Workplace 2025 research, 80 percent of women want to be promoted to the next level, compared to 86 percent of men. And when women receive equal career support, that gap in ambition falls away. In other words, the ambition is there. The assumption is what is missing the mark.

An assumption someone made about you is not a decision you made.

This is the Articulation Gap in real time. Results do not speak. They are interpreted. So when you stay quiet about what you want, leadership does not wait for clarity. They fill the silence with a guess, and the guess is usually smaller than you.

How to Ask for What You Need at Work

I asked Nicholle what she would say to a woman who is pregnant, or a new parent, or simply shy about asking for the things she needs. She did not give me a pep talk. Instead, she gave me three rules she lives by.

Why are you still here?

That third rule comes from a day Nicholle still remembers. She and her husband live in Iowa. Her family is in Colorado, his is in Kansas, and they have nobody nearby. The first time her son got sick while she was on the shop floor, daycare called. She phoned her husband and said, out loud, that she did not know if she could leave. Then she texted her boss, who was in meetings all day, and heard nothing back.

He's like, why are you still here? I said, because I didn't know if I could leave. He's like, go. Your kid's sick. Leave.

Nicholle Walter

Message received. Next time, text and then leave, because your family comes first. She had spent the whole afternoon braced for a no that never existed. That is what the fear of asking costs you. Not the answer. The hours you spend not knowing.

Make it easy to say

One more practical thing, and it made me laugh out loud. Pumping conversations make a lot of people awkward, especially men. So Nicholle stopped explaining. When she needed to leave a meeting to pump, she dropped a cow emoji in the chat and walked out. Everyone laughed, everyone knew, and nobody had to have the conversation. If you are going to have to say it, she told me, have some fun with it.

Take Up Your Own Space

Where does that kind of ease come from? For Nicholle, it started long before John Deere. She grew up around horses.

I grew up pushing around a 1200 pound animal because if I didn't, they're gonna step on me. And so I got very comfortable learning how to physically take up my own space in my environment.

Nicholle Walter

Later, that physical habit became a mental one. Her dad, also an engineer, took her to a technical training when she was a high school freshman or sophomore. She sat in the back, followed along, and started asking questions, because nobody else in the room was. Every head turned. Instead of shrinking, she felt a flash of pride. A high schooler was asking the questions the grown engineers were not.

She has built on that moment brick by brick ever since. When people look at you, she told me, do not shy away from it. Open up and own it, because they are looking at you for a reason.

Taking up space is not about being loud. It is about not disappearing.

What I Want You to Take From This

At the end of our conversation, Nicholle boiled it down to one instruction, and I want you to hear it in her words.

Ask for what you need. Take up your own space. You may find a friend that you didn't know you had and you don't know until you ask.

Nicholle Walter

One more thing, because it is the part I care about most. Asking for what you need is one skill. Being recognized for the work you do is a second one. That second skill is the Articulation Gap, the distance between the impact you create and the impact leadership recognizes and rewards. Nicholle closed the first gap the day she walked upstairs to pump without apologizing. The language you use about your work closes the second.

So here is your move this week. Name the one thing you have needed at work and have not asked for. Then ask. You may find a friend.

About Nicholle Walter

Nicholle Walter is a Senior Systems Engineer and manufacturing leader with a proven track record of driving innovation, operational excellence, and cross-functional collaboration across John Deere's most advanced production environments. With a foundation in Biological Systems Engineering and a passion for precision agriculture, Nicholle has delivered high-impact results in roles spanning manufacturing engineering, quality, and wage supervision. She was one of the strategic manufacturing leaders who led the start of production and on-time delivery of the See & Spray technology portfolio at John Deere.

While managing the chaos of manufacturing at a Fortune 100 company, Nicholle has continued to advance her technical skills, completing a Systems Engineering Certificate from Caltech and earning her qualifications as an FAA Certified Remote Pilot and ISTQB Certified Tester.

Nicholle is also a proud mother of two, balancing the demands of motherhood with a thriving career in manufacturing. Her ability to lead with empathy, prioritize effectively, and model resilience makes her a role model for working parents and professionals alike.

Connect with Nicholle on LinkedIn